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We said good-bye to summer today. And we did it with perfect weather: 80 and sunny. The lake was a buzz with people taking their final runs on skis, wake-boards, and tubes. Others were pulling out the docks and boat lifts. I’m always surprised at how many people see Labor Day as something of an end. I guess because where I’m from it’ll be hot until January, Labor Day has always been just a nice long weekend right after school started. But here in Michigan, it is the impetus of the changing seasons. Although we will still have sunny, warm days, something is different. Folks are preparing for their impending hibernation and subsequent absence from unscheduled community activity. Maybe that’s why Labor Day is special; it is the last time for neighborhood bar-b-q’s, impromptu card games, bonfires in swimsuits, lounging on the boat, and staying out past dark. It is, in essence, the last hurrah.
My sister is a magazine junkie (who isn’t really?). While staying at her place she convinced me to yield my aversion of fashion mags & consider reading Vanity Fair. I genuinely thought VF was for people who recognized “Page 6″ hoity-toities and label-lovers. Well, wasn’t I chagrined when she passed the oh-so-handsome Johnny Depp into my lap. Let me tell you, this magazine is not just for the fashion-conscience, it’s quite pedantic in it’s own right. I also feel like VF is always quoted on the news, radio, etc., and now I know why. I love how culturally expository this periodical is. July’s issue offers one of the best perspectives I’ve heard of the Bernie Madoff scandal (much less the fabulous 6+page interview with Johnny Depp — who I now want to be best friends with). And although I may have to wade through 20 pages of annoying adds before I can even find the table of contents, I think it’s worth it. The content is just as provocative as its visual counterpart. I already ordered my two-year subscription. (It was only $20!)
I rarely use this forum to express deep, personal emotion. I try to keep things light and focused on things that have made me smile or cleverness discovered. But today it’s different. Today I need all the positive thoughts and energy of the universe to head our way.
We have to sell our home.
It’s to a point that this has to happen. We’ve been through the circus that is the real estate market and agents. I’m so angry… so bloody angry. At the economy, at incompetent people, preconceived notions and f*ing stereotypes. Believe me I know that our property is a bit unorthodox (for this area), but my god people, it’s not like we’ve re-invented the wheel here. And I’m so angry that just because of things beyond our control we have to sacrifice our price tag. It’s just plain unfair. I know there are plenty of people way worse off than us, but we had so many plans… and now we have needs… not just wants.
I feel as if our home doesn’t sell (and soon) then nothing will work out. I’m usually quite a hopeful person, but this is too much. If I hear one more person make a negative comment about our situation I’m going to scream.
I see nothing but positives about our home. Seriously. Some people think 1100 sq ft of living space is too small…fine. Some think that the idea of not having a yard is a down side… fine. But the unwillingness to see how living above a commercial space (and having that person pay you rent… that yes, goes towards your mortgage) has HUGE advantages that seriously outweighs the perceived disadvantages drives me insane.
I’m so sad. I’m SO sad! I love my home. We built it to sell. I don’t understand why there isn’t a realtor out there who doesn’t know how to sell a mixed-use property!?! It’s these freaking real estate agents that are setting the bloody prices… for entire communities. And they screw them. You would think that since realtors are having such a hard time selling property right now that it would make them work that much harder. But you would be wrong.
And so now I feel stuck. Not knowing how to do this ourselves. (And clearly the realtor thing is not working out.) And every freaking website we go to doesn’t have a “box” for us to check. It’s either commercial step to the left, residential step to the right. And each excludes potential buyers. This place is perfect for someone who is looking for an investment property and they can cash-flow the entire purchase by renting the top and bottom. It’s perfect for someone looking to have commercial space and then pay their mortgage by renting the apartment or vice versa. I also think it’s a nice location. No… it’s not the uber-hip town just to our west, but it’s perfect for someone (or couple) who splits their time between the lake-shore and the city.
I don’t know what to do.
fresh
food
tomatoes
and avocados
together with ciabata
summer farmer’s market bringing color to my plate
I like to create things, things with paper, fabric, words… I, like so many, live with a critic on my shoulder who is quite difficult to ignore. A friend gave me this poem and it hit the nail on the head.
What I Want to Say — Pat Schneider
Well, I was playing, see,
in the shadow of the tabernacle.
I was decorating mud pies
with little brown balls
I found scattered on the ground
like nuts, or berries.
Until some big boy came walking by
and laughed. Hey,
don’t you know you’re puttin’ goat doo
on your mud pies? I bet
you’re gonna eat ‘em, too!
That day I made a major error
in my creative life.
What I want to say is this:
I liked those little balls
on my mud pies. I was a sculptor,
an artist, an architect. I was making pure design in space and time.
But I quit
because a critic came along
and called it shit.
…that I enjoy so much. Today I sent a note to a friend and included a lovely little poem about spring. I also made a recipe card for a different friend. I’ve been doing that a lot lately. On Saturday we made the most delicious Cavatappi dish and so I snapped a photo of it cooking. I then used that photo as a watermark for a recipe card. I think I’m going to try to do a series of those for a family member that’s getting married in May. Too bad for me that I will now need to make my favorite meals and then print out the recipes. Looks like I’m eating good in April!
I realized today as I was crafting away on my mini-book, that almost the entire month of February and most of March has been stamped with “2008″! What the…?! How did I not notice this HUGE editorial faux pas?!?!? Boy, I’m totally reliving the day I walked into the fabric store with my skirt tucked into my stockings.
I think that I am personally responsible for the destruction of over half of the rain forest. Because it was 60 degrees and sunny on Sunday, Brad and I took the time to PURGE… and I mean trim down! We have a small, but cleverly over-stuffed storage space. It is located on the ground level of our building, right next to the door. Thus we began assembling what some thought was a “yard” sale… or more like a back-door sale.
I couldn’t believe just how much shit we’ve not only accumulated over 4 years as is natural, but all the shit that we’ve moved — multiple times! And as we are now looking to make a move again, I refused to relocate one more box of unnecessary crap. However, as I saw the last seven years of my life in the shambled boxes, I had mixed emotions. So much of that “stuff” made me feel terrible. I mean, who really wants to see all of their old school work… especially when it wasn’t exactly all A’s?! And what do you do with old photos…boxes of photos from college, summer trips, old flames? Well I made a decision that if I didn’t know what was in a box from looking at the outside, I probably didn’t need it. Tossed. All of it.
Well, not just tossed, but I then frantically started ripping apart every item as I pulled it out, hoping to find some way to recycle it. I mean, I alone had probably 20 spirals of class notes that turned into three different recycling piles: paper, cardboard, metal. I knew I should be feeling better about cleansing myself of this unnecessary yoke, but I was really aware of my “stuff factor.” For example, I had an entire rubbermaid container full of toiletries (that have been in that same box since the first time I moved in MA in 2004); if it was unopened it went to a give-away pile, but so much had to be thrown away: medicine that had expired, old make-up bags, samples of anything and everything. Why do I “collect” these things? They sit in drawers, unopened, for a special occasion or something else. I will admit that I have gotten much, much better about using and/or giving things away, but I still have an entire house full of stuff. It really can feel like a burden. Then I really started to get upset when I realized just how much couldn’t really be recycled and will probably sit in some landfill for the next millennia. Awful.
I guess all I can do is start to change a day at a time. The one nugget I took away for the day was in a box that I would have sworn I had lost in 2003. I had no idea that it has moved to SIX different locations with me. I was almost in tears I was so excited… Six of my old journals hidden under my LPs! I thought for certain that those journals were never to be found again…or worse, they would end up on some tacky website. AND THEN to get my records back was too much! Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Indigo Girls… ahhh vinyl.
It ended up being a pretty good day, despite my attempts to single-handedly destroy our environment!!
…your boss’ wife manipulates him right in front of you.
Upon first agreeing with you the wife then growls, “no, honey don’t you remember that you and I already talked about this and we already agreed that I was right!” Your tail-between-his-legs-boss then says, “oh yeah, I guess you’re right honey.”
(Really!? How is this possible when over half the office heard the original conversation and it was as you remembered it!?)
I worked on my mini some more. There are some pages I like more than others, but I think for now I’m enjoying the process. (Mostly because I get to do something crafty every day.)
…the same week that the heat gets turned off a co-worker tells you, “hey, be sure to cash your pay check as soon as you get it. Mine bounced last week!”
(Seriously…quit today!)
I love new beginnings. Hope. A chance for a clean slate. Something new. And the start of 2009 is definitely something new and unfamiliar.
I’m no longer working for someone else. After a series of events, I finally found it necessary for me to end my time with my previous company. And I’ve never been happier. In the weeks following my resignation I’ve reflected on the whole experience and I know beyond a shadow of doubt that I have made the right decision.
That place was crazy. I worked for a married couple, who to say the least, had a few problems. It wasn’t that they fought at work or anything, but they have deep-rooted bitterness towards one another that manifested itself in unique ways. But when push came to shove, they were the ones that had to sleep together at night and therefore you could never point out that the other had done something wrong or said something differently. I guess I knew going into it that it was a potentially hazardous situation, but I can’t believe that things got as bad as they did. I, being the new kid, was the easy target. But I also pushed back more than the other employees and I wouldn’t take as much crap. (At least from my perspective.)
The heart of the problem was that I had two bosses. And one of them liked me and the other didn’t. It was a strange experience to not be an invaluable asset to the company I was working for. I’ve always been such a hard worker and contributor to my place of employment. Included in my work ethic are a few principles like: leave your personal shit at home & smile and be pleasant to your co-workers. I thought these things would be understood, but not when you’re working for the Godfather.
The husband-boss loved me…the wife-boss on the other hand…well, she makes Cruella DeVille seem friendly. Seriously, Meryl Streep (in The Devil Wears Prada) ain’t got nothing on this lady. If she wasn’t commenting on how I looked, she was trying to make me feel like an idiot and micromanage everything from my business letter writing to client relationships. She was really just a big bully. I always felt so bad for her assistant too because she really did get the worst of it…until she realized that I was fresh meat. I really think I drove her personally nuts, everything about me. I also think she has a bad spirit. My co-workers tried to tell me that she was an o.k. person outside of work and that she could be compassionate, but I guess I never saw it. Even the one day she took me to lunch (during my first week) she was trying to manipulate the hell out of me and I realized it, all the while talking bad about the gal that had been working for her for the last 6 years! I mean really, my boss talking bad about another co-worker. Really?!
I guess I wanted to continue to give her the benefit of the doubt. I tried justifying her actions every way possible. “It’s the fourth quarter and everyone’s tense.” “She’s just really busy.” “She’s …” Well, she’s just a bad person. And really, she’s a terrible office manager all together. Things got so bad that the heat got shut off because either A. she forgot to pay the bill or B. because she didn’t have the money to pay the bill. Even one of my co-workers checks bounced.
Despite all of that I feel like the stinker is that I liked what I did and most of my co-workers. It was fun and interesting and something different everyday. But I’m too old to be treated like an idiot. Unlike most of my other former co-workers, that was not my first job and I know better. So, I ended it. And boy did she cut her nose off to spite her face. I never even got to see or talk to my actual boss, her husband. As soon as I told her that I had made my decision, she sent me packing. And I’m so glad that I did.
Now my days are spent doing exactly what I want to be doing. I had a momentary freak out there for a little bit, but you know, God provides. Just when I started to hyperventilate about the fact that I have quit my job in the toughest economic times since the great depression, we got a phone call that a friend’s basement had flooded and they wanted to hire B to fix it. Hallelujah! And he’s starting an attic remodel in two weeks! And now I’m free to do what I want…and that is to be in control of my time. I value my time more than anything else. And now I am free to write, craft, clean, search, relax and do just what it is that I want to do.
Ahhh, Peace.
Today’s the first day of winter?
I know you miss that hair.
So sad to see her go :: Glad she is finally at Peace
1919 – 2008
I surprised even myself this weekend. We actually pulled out our old holiday decorations and started the transformation. I’ve been a bit of a humbug the last few years, refusing to decorate anything more than a wreath on the wall or unadorned natural garland around a Pottery Barn candelabra-come-Advent-center-piece. But seeing is how I didn’t have to work Black Friday and it was actually snowing, I gave into the childhood memories and wishes like it was comfort food. Out came strands of sparkly goodness and twinkly white lights that intuitively give you good feelings. I forgot that the last time I decorated a tree (in 2003) I chose quite obnoxious colors, but there is still a part of me that will forever love purple and blue! Although our ode to the holiday season is meager in comparison to most, I think the pendulum is finding its way back to the middle.
Getting cozy never felt so good.
Wow. Two weeks in China was amazing. What an interesting and conflicted culture. I look forward to re-reading my journal in a few days, especially as I go through my pictures. I took in all the sights of Beijing (The Summer Palace, Forbidden City, Tiananmen Square & The Great Wall) and I also traveled to Xi’an to see the Terra-Cotta Soldiers. Many days were spent at the Pearl Market and Silk Street bargaining myself to death. I was fortunate to meet several locals that showed me different types of the city: 5-star and no-star.
As I enter Thanksgiving week back home in America, I am thankful for the entire experience and the way in which my world is a bit smaller and more personal.
Here are just a few shots…more to come.
I’ve got my eye on you.
Something I can’t possibly live without.
I am content.
Today.
In less than two weeks I’ll be getting on a plane again. This time I will be headed all the way around the globe and I will land in Asia. Tokyo first, then onto Beijing and then onto either Moscow or Vietnam. This is a trip I have been looking forward to for 30 years.
Two whole weeks.
I just don’t know where to even begin… (well I did begin by purchasing a new camera and I can’t wait for it to arrive in the mail.)
I can’t believe just how much has happened in a year. I sure wouldn’t have thought it back in January. I need to make time to document it all properly because I don’t want to forget.
Soon.
New friends, sweet treats, good memories.
I love camping in the fall!
Soon to be single no more.
No one else can motivate me.
