I’m having a hard time motivating myself to get ready for work today. I had a hell of a week last week. It finally ended with me doing the one thing you should not do at work. I cried. In front of a co-worker. A male co-worker. It was humiliating. First of all I’m not that much of a crier anyway…well usually. It seems that I can only muster up tears after much needed really good sex or when I’m terribly sad. But here I was, looking my co-worker in the face and I couldn’t hold it back any more. I was particularly frustrated b/c this is a guy who comes into work exasperated once a week that his wife was crying for no reason and he thinks women are just so “emotional” (and therefore illogical). His ability to reason and see me as a valued and educated woman just went out the door. This was not helping. I immediately thought of the ladies of Sex and the City when they recounted their own mortifying crying-at-work experiences and then the prejudices that follow.

One of the best stories I’ve heard about this came from a book I received when I first got married. In it the author is on a plane when he picks up a magazine and reads an article about a woman who found herself in tears at work. The cliff’s notes version is that the light when on for him when he read (and I paraphrase) “I just wanted to tell everyone in that room — ignore these tears, I’m merely sweating. I am hot, bothered and need some air.” That’s really what I wanted to say to my co-worker, I’m merely sweating…just through my eyes…And I’m really frustrated and need a release and this is how it’s happening. This doesn’t mean I’m any less rational or thoughtful. It just means I have to have a kleenex in my hand for the next few minutes while I try not to ruin my makeup.

So when I was bumming around blog-land yesterday I found some photos that seem to capture how I feel about plugging into the matrix today. I think these photos are so creepy…but so cool. The artist is Alexey Titarenko. It’ called City of Shadows. I originally found it here. These Russian commuters caught on a time-lapsed camera capture what i think it feels like to go to work…anonymously, faceless, storyless.